On loving a man who does not love you back

So, I always try to keep my blogs humorous and light. Nothing heavy or deep. However, this is my last personal for this class, and as such I am deeming this my “Dear Diary” post.

The title of this is “on loving someone who doesn’t love you back,” for a reason. I start with the word “on” because I have become an expert on the subject. Yes, I am in love with a man, who does not love me back.

I do not set out to assassinate this man’s character. Remember that I love him.

No, this is where I let things out, the things I can’t say to him, or the things you don’t say when someone ask if your okay. This is the unspoken ideas and metaphors that need release.  The sappy things that stick to your tongue so do not sound more broken than you are.

If your still here, Lets begin,

Loving someone who does not love you back is a heartbreak, but not the simple crushed defeat that accompanies high school break-ups. This is the tearing of an organ, vital to human life, both physically and emotionally.

The pain is constant, looming and encompassing. It centers in your chest and throbs in your head. Your eyes become riddled from tears, your checks stained with streaks from the raindrops you’ve poured onto you favorite pillow.

It stays with you, like the thing you always catch out of the corner of you eye. The persons name lingers in your mouth, waiting to be spoken, seeking any reason to speak their name.

It brings a smile to your face, and your eyes brighten. But the feeling is the equivalent to a fire, your left smoldering long after the conversation, blackened and burned by the inferno brought on by the match stick he is.

You see that person, and despite all reason, you hold onto the concept that its a possibility. That through some fortune, struck of luck, or some omnipotent force will usher him towards you. As if by staying at jackpot, you will hit the lottery before the quarters run out. Soon your scrounging through your pockets, counting pennies to take another spin.

You make excuses for him, anything to make the story world you have crafted have the ending you penned. The knight never shows up, the princess does die, and your left wondering what alternate ending in you ended up in. What road did you take wrong, what pathway did you not traverse.

You reflect on your past, recounting the bad things you ever did, using some made-up karma calculator to mathematically see if the prison you’ve entered was reckoned by some earlier decision that carried someone else into their personal hell.

You put them first in everything, slitting both wrists to help them. You bear the brunt of this invisible pressure because you feel its your duty.  He tells you he needs help fixing things with the person he loves, and you step up to the whipping post, propping your heart up after the brutal lashing it barely endures, mindlessly chanting “I can take another. I can take another.”

You pick yourself up off the floor, bruised from abuse, carrying on like things are fine. You wrap yourself in large shirts and big sunglasses. A gilded disguise to carry on day to day.  You keep your coat tight, because if he ever saw the scars, you would be defeated, it would be the killing blow to your hear-thronged charade.

When loving a man who does not love you back, your heart breaks.  It is the tearing of a human organ, most vital to human life, both physically and emotionally.



Extra credit blog post

In want to take time and reflect on my time in this class for my extra credit blog post.

I learned a lot about a lot of things. Kinda like a jack-of-all trades, but master of none. I learned basic coding, I learned how to start a blog, and I learned how to create a website.

As far as the coding, I really enjoyed it. It was guided enough that even my simple mind could keep up. And I do not technology. At all.

The course was enough to where I would not shy away from the chance to learn Python. I would still end up crying, but the honest attempt would be there.

Starting a blog was a very fulfilling experience.

This helped me find my “voice.” I kinda learned how I like to talk to my audience and what I did not like. I enjoyed adding humor into my post, even the module ones, hoping to make people laugh. I also found the personal blogs to be oddly relieving. As if the opposite side of the internet was actually listening.

As far as the website, it was a developing process. I started with one thing in the mind and it mutated and changed into something that truly felt like me. Something I could press my face against and say, “yes this is mine, my creation.” I would not disown it my work like Dr. Frankenstein and his monster.

Its been an enjoyable semester, and I learned a lot from the out-of- class work. Such as getting my ass on the grind and getting things done.

How to get those clicks!!

This week we discussed search engine optimization. Turns out there is some tips and tricks you can use to have yourself pop up on that Google search.

These are super important because, and let us all be very honest with each other, nobody ever clicks past that first page. Unless your desperate and really trying to dig something up.

I am not really trying to go for SEO since the function of my website is a showcase of my writing and work. If I was going to stragetgize I would consider the follwoing three as tools I would use. I Have used the first two in some sense and will discuss that also.


Linking is useful as search engines recognize them as trustworthy pages. I have linked my blog and The Vanguard onto my page. These may help bring on more visitors. This may also help those seeking my page if they include The Vanguard in there search.

Social Media

I have dedicated one of my pages to social media. I opted for this rather than post links on all pages. This allows user to be more easily targeted rather than a buckshot when placing them everywhere.

Keyword targeting

I do not really use this method on my page. However, this can be a really effective method of SEO. Having keywords on my website, such as “Vanguard” and my blogs title may help my website pop up when people search for those items. These may also help employers if they search for those terms.


Jeremih was at the Mitchell Center

SOOO, I popped my concert cherry, and it was…. well it was it was.

I kinda of romanticized the whole thing and had nothing to compare it all. I mean, I was a little salty I was not in front of Brendon Urie Friday night as Panic at the Disco played in Birmingham.

However, I was content with the experience.

Eager to get good seats, several students arrived early and lined the concrete ramp leading up to the entrance. It was a pre-party consisting of laughter, after-concert plans and shuffling feet.
The doors were set to open at 7 p.m., but attendees did not mind the 30-minute delay, bursting through the doors as excited screams echoed through the crowd.

Staff members handled the rush of over-hyped fans with ease, checking tickets and sorting out last-minute problems. As your ticket was checked and ripped, you were presented with a gift, a LED light stick. A small party favor that played largely into setting the scene.

The majority of the crowd was seated in the bleachers, overlooking the stage set with keyboards, a turntable, and laser lights. In front of the stage was the floor section, a party all it’s own.

To start the party off, DJ Money Mic mixed and played popular tracks that kept the atmosphere lively and exciting. The floor crowd danced while the overfilled bleachers swayed to the rhythm of each song.

After an unexpected intermission, the show resumed, with a drummer sub-in. The drummer originally scheduled to go on stage was stuck in traffic. This caused about a 20-minute delay. DJ Money Mic kept spirits high during the pause, playing club beats to keep people moving.

When Jeremih finally hit the stage, the arena exploded into a roar. The excited audience waved their light sticks wildly, greeting the artist as he walked onto stage singing “Down On Me.”

After he finished the number, Jeremih introduced himself and his DJ, drawing forth screams of approval from the crowd. Jeremih then took requests from the audience. Many screamed for something off his latest album, “Late Nights,” while some wanted to dig way back through his playlist. Ultimately, Jeremih opted for both, showing flexibility in his set.

He later asked the crowd who was celebrating their birthday. Surprisingly, he pulled two female students onto the stage as a birthday gift. Jeremih then proceeded to play the crowd favorite song “Birthday Sex” as the two ladies danced on stage with the singer. One of the girls received an onstage kiss from the artist.

As the concert came to a close students filed out of the Mitchell Center spilling into the parking lot and sidewalks. Groups of students recounted their favorite part of the show while others continued to sing Jeremih’s hottest tracks.